Joni Mitchell: Both Sides Now

Jefferson Airplane: White Rabbit

Blue Oyster Cult: Don’t fear the Reaper

Kansas: Carry on my Wayward Son

Ted Nugent: Stranglehold

Triumph: Fight The Good Fight

You can just kick back, relax and watch your favourites The OC and Gilmore Girls on your sky+ box, while this mutant cushion cuddles the hell out of you. Worst comes to the worst, I’m sure you can frig yourself off on it.

What a terrifying arm-dystopia she’s about to wake up in.

Neither Sir Mapsalot or the ‘Pillow-Partner’ company would like to be seen as sexist…unfortunately.

Advertised as an ideal gift: ” It makes a humorous gift for single pals.” Indeed it does, if humourous was synonomous with condescending, patronizing or horrifying Perhaps it would be more sucessful if advertized as a  simple self-esteem destroying gift for your friend who still has a life i.e. the one who hasn’t lost her figure, ambition or sex drive due to the marriage + kids conundrum.

And to end on a possibly equally distubing note:

I am a lonely man. I mostly blame the attention-deprived years of my childhood, but I also blame my failed marriage to that cold-hearted wench who took half of what I own when we got divorced. Over the years I’ve made up for my loneliness with promiscuity and alcohol-fueled love affairs, but sometimes that’s not enough.

If this sounds familiar to you – then you need the Boyfriend Pillow.

Unlike a normal pillow, the Boyfriend Pillow has a built-in arm that you can wrap around your body, simulating the sensitive touch of a lover’s embrace. Made of ultra-comfy memory foam, the Boyfriend Pillow is shaped like a man’s torso and can be positioned in a number of different ways (trust me).

Why the Boyfriend Pillow is wearing a button-down dress shirt to bed is beyond me, but I can’t complain. With a little imagination, and a splash of perfume, we lonely men can close our eyes and pretend that the pillow is actually a woman wearing one of our favorite dress shirts.

With a little more imagination, and a lot more perfume, you can also pretend the pillow is actually the girl featured in the product photo. But that’s up to you.

So, when my pick-up lines prove unsuccessful at the bar, it’s nice to know that I’ll always have someone to snuggle up with when I get home. It won’t complain about being unsatisfied, or question why her memory of the last six hours is so foggy, and it doesn’t threaten to call the cops if I don’t give her cab fare for the ride home.

The Boyfriend Pillow is, quite simply, perfect.”